Farewell to 2005.... I will surely miss this year!

Yes you heard it right! I will surely miss this year! I can say one of the best and most fruitful year I ever had! Thank God for blessing me this much! I mean the countless opportunity, the good experiences I have gained the good friends that I have come to cherish and treasure, what more can I ask for this year 2005! Thanks for everything to thy God.

Indeed so much has happened... hearing all the firecrackers welcoming the new year somehow makes me miss 2005 already. There were a lot of hardships, difficulties worries and etc but really all in all it all boils down to the blessings that I have received! Come to think of it, it all grace!! I don't know if I am worthy of such countless blessings but I am so glad to be so lucky!

To recall some of the best things that happened to me?! of course there's Sherine who had been my best buddy all year long so much good memories were shared all through out the year. Just so glad to be able to spend yet another new year with her..... Well working in smart was also one of the highlights that I have! and given a good part time job was also one good experience that was given to me! It was really quite a nice year... hoping next year 2006.. in just a few minute from now... would be as good or better than this outgoing year.

Just wanna thank God for all these grace! I'll surely treasure all the memories of 2005! For the last time, Bye 2005! Thank you!

Restless... restless..

Finally, it's the mid of september, no more regular classes for me.. first week of school has already passed and no classes for the whole week no teachers to listen to .. no classrooms to attend to .. no more worrying about quizzes, tests, reports, mp's ... just a thesis and a sideline project.. however how come im still restless... lately thesis is doing great.. however researching really tires my body.. i mean learning something new is always fun .. however when there's really a lack of resources or people to ask from.. then it's tiring... about sideline.. hmm i think one thing i learned lately is.. "everything has its limitation ... " you might hear people telling you..." for as long as you love what you're doing in work.. then it's the best thing that can happen to your career.." i partly disagree on this.. i don't know .. yes i love being a programmer.. i love being a developer, a creator of something new.. i love programming, i love webdevelopment.. learning new things.. but of course with these interests of mine .. i think lately.. it has not been fun anymore..i don't know if it's my point of view that is wrong or it's just me.. tell you the truth.. my part time job has been fun .. but not now.. i don't know the project is big and yet everything seems open ended.. i 've been doing code and fix.. doing a lot of editing in the system.. in the database.. it's just to big for one or two person to develop it.. i don't know but im not having the right mood anymore.. no matter how i try to relax myself just to stay focus on the work.. i just can't i don't know .. maybe it's just that i need people to support me.. show me their concerns.. and also give importance to what im doing.

Lately, ive been trying to make my self comfortable and try to bring up the strength in me to keep on going and finish the project at least before september ends... (wake me up when september ends.. ) but still i feel so restless... right now ive been sitted in front of this monitor.. pondering on stuff to do.. so many things to do.. yet so many time but so unproductive of me.. i guess something is really wrong is it me?? or is it anything else.. besides me.. anyway that's all .. just trying to pour my boredom or restlessness or whatever.. out through writing.. God help me.. please i need it. Thanks..

What's up with me so far?

It's currently 12 am august 18,2005 ... so far it's been a productive day.. I've been working on a so called project LAB, which is a web-based business directory for an Australian client, for hours already since i woke up until i came home from school until this very hour or minute.. Imagine how much time im spending thinking of one single project.. even when i walked around campus.. i still have to worry about such project not meeting its deadline, and this will just have to go on maybe for the next three weeks... It's quite tiring already but so far.. im still trying to enjoy my job.. School is almost over... this week is already my last week of regular class in my undergraduate degree life.. then for the next two terms, i'll only have my thesis and then wait until April for my graduation proper.

Lately, i realized that im not quite happy anymore with my part time job. it's becoming quite a daily routine especially handling this big project which lasts for months. I have to face the same program for the next few weeks.. I don't know what i really want all of a sudden, im interested in information security which rings the bell in my head about an opportunity of joining the info security of smart telecoms as where i had my OJT .. ow well funny how i got inspired with a movie called tracked down .

Anyway.. i really had no plans of blogging tonight.. just had the urge of redesigning and reengineering my site , planning to make more libraries in php and make my own blogging system, inventory system for my softwares, ebooks, books and etc etc all in one maybe play with .NET hahaha .. although can't do that for now because of my busy sched.. anyway i'm already getting drowsy... i guess i have to park my keyboard for now...

How unfair could this get... guess what i got a gay brother.

I have to admit im an average guy with average dream and average family.. well maybe less average family.. i guess as a family we're just not blessed to be a happy family after all... i miss my mom.. wherever she is i hope she's happy in heaven.... as for the rest of the family... everything seems to be intense... and troubled all because of one stupid idiot who thinks he is rich and doesn't care a thing about anyone. A gay brother who keeps on blowing his(her) horns loud pretending to be some manager or president or someone else... and still can't accept the fact that he is one darn gay who is so bitter about me and my sister going to college and he didn't got the chance of experiencing college life. All i can say is... too bad.. well i guess even if he gets into college i doubt if he'll survive ... for all he knows is having fun and also again ... being gay. I swear he is so gay that i just wanna kick his gay ass out of our house and show him how gay he could be.

O well ... i guess i just have a really bad day.. had exchange words with this gay thing in our home in front of dad.. you know .. i mean is it really that hard to accept the fact that it's not our fault why he didn't get to college?!?!?!?! is it really our fault in the first place? it's all his(her) stupid fault.. and his(her) stupid gay decisions. Who told him(her) to keep cutting classes during highschool.. i mean the first school already kicked his(her) gay ass out already .. luckily another school mistakenly took him in but still what?? he(she) even fought with a nun for a gay sunglasS??? see how gay it is?? and now he(she) is so jealous of both me and my sis going to college and all he can do is mumble or threaten us with his gay lies??? is that a brother?? or let me rephrase it.. is that he(she) still human? or sane? i guess not!!!!! how many brother would threaten a sibling his(her) life?? and how many brother will tell his(her) own sister or brothers that anytime they can be dead with a single flip of his(her) money ??? how many?? i guess none.. just one and too bad it's my gay brother! or at worst even threatens of curse my father face to face???? tell me is that humane? just so damn luck that im of the same blood as his(her) .

O well to those who knew me.. as a soft spoken person or a kind loving person.. sorry if this stunt you.. yeah you're right it's really me who wrote this.. i just had a big argument with "the animal" of the house... who keeps cursing us and who keeps calling us leeches who can do nothing for good.. i just couldn't take it any longer ... if only im bigger than him(her) i'll surely solve this problem physically and no doubt i'll really tear his tendons and feed it to the dogs ow.. not the dogs poor little dogs .. they might get poisoned i forgot.. maybe burned his(her) pieces up .. sorry i might sound so childish here... but no im not .. im writing this just to cool myself up.. am just so sad .. how come i got a brother like that.. who would do anything to make our life difficult .. who is so childish that he can't accept the fact that we're attending college and having our education at a prestigous school or i may say expensive school... i guess behind all of this.. is a reason i still can't see or understand.. i know God has his purpose for this .. maybe .. i just have to prove him wrong.. that im not a leech in our family .... i just wanna show him ... that's he is the biggest leech and not us. ..

OJT days.. quite an adventure..

It's been a very long time since i last posted on this blogger. Sayang napakaformal pa naman... Anyway let me start with how my life was going.. the last 2 to 3 months. It started this january that im on my last term as a fourth year college student ...sadly seeing most of my batchmate "id 101" graduating and finishing their thesis.. as for me i still have 1 whole school year to go and two minor subjects to go and last masteral subject and of course the ever problematic thesis sad to say.... hard to accept and difficult to digest.... Well things went great last term and i was able to pass all subjects (thank God) although i fall short to getting a first honor dean's lister... so that was march.. to roll back a little bit.. we're required to look for companies for our OJT.. and mind you i have already made a list of companies that i would want to work for. i even made a list of my capabilities for my resume and take note i really made my resume as presentable as possible.. of course i can say that im quite proud of it... kind of expecting that i won't have a hard time looking for a job. so i procrastinated.. waited for the last minute before even applying to the first company on the list which was ePldt.. so i was not rejected at all but the problem was they have no vacancy or need for interns meaning i have to wait until someone is willing to use an intern so i wasted two weeks or even 3 weeks waiting for epldt's call.. i called them about twice or thrice .. but still no news until Sherine finally convince me to pass my resume to other company and stop waiting for epldt's response. so i did.. although i was very hesitant.. thanks to her she really helped me applied in SMART imagine we walked into SMART tower and she helped submit my resume to the HR and we were instructed to waited for their call.. we also went to HP however their recruitement for ojt was already over that time.
So after a few weeks... we (some comsci friends) became desperate and went around ayala approaching every company we can and leaving our resume n hope for their employment. so after a few days of waiting finally ... smart called me and set me up for a technical meeting on its IT department.. imagine the pressure, the HR told that there are two candidate for a single position and one of that candidate was me .. it's either a make or a break so if on that interview day they didn't like me.. then that's the end of my application meaning one of us has to go and one of us will be chosen. so imagine the pressure.. i arrived at SMART tower 930 the next day and i sat on the sala set in the waiting area waiting for my turn ... the other candidate was already being interviewed and i have to wait for my turn.. until it was finaly my turn.. seeing my competitor laughing his way out with the surpervisor or interviewer.. i was so challenged and curious how his interview went.. maybe they already get along well.. so there goes the interview... the interviewer was soon to be my supervisor he has long hair and somewhat cool personality. the interview went well.. and after that i was instructed to go back to the HR .. i thought i will be eliminated since i was the only one told to go back to the HR ... then upon reaching the HR .. i was told that both of us was accepted .. so that was the end of applying for ojt finally i got a position and a job at smart.. quite excited... and there.. things went well for a month i was able to enjoy the good and cheap (affordable) food at smart.. , the comfortable office, my 2gig ram computer and also kind fellow staff.. the ojt went well for 250 hours finally it ended just first week of july... It was kind of fun and at the same time tiring since.. i also have a part time job .. developing systems for a small company and i have to work at home after office hours until midnight .. and in the morning i still have to go back to the office until school year began and now i have three major things to juggle.. school or may i say four things .... to juggle, school, thesis, smart ojt, partime imagine .. glad i did survive.... anyway finally today is the final stage of my ojt, just came home from graduation.. and now continuing the system for my parttime. Anyways i guess that's the whole story of how i got in to smart and how things went.. after that.. now im back to school taking up my last few subjects and continuing my thesis, and stuff... I guess things went a bit lighter after ojt but still ... i feel restless.. (to be cont..sleepy sorry for all my gramatic errors.. sheesh .. im too sleepy that 's all)..ZzzZz...

More opportunities means more pressure...

First up... i really had a lot of things to do and now another thing came up and i just have to add it up in my schedule.. i don't know why i can't seem to say "no" to anything... is it because im too kind? is it because i just don't waste any opportunity? or is it because i just don't know how to say no to people? anyway ... just this afternoon upon going back home from lasalle.. someone called me up ... introducing himself to me and telling me that ive been referred to him by a very old friend of my (old meaning long time no see kind of old) and to my surprise this guy started telling me good things he heard from me .. telling me that he heard that im a sort of goal oriented and persevering person etc etc.. anyways so here goes he ask if i'll be interested to work for him or something like that with a nice pay in a way and it would be a field far from what im taking up i don't know if it'll be a waste of time or what but we decided to meet on wednesday.. venue? as you may ask, it's in ortigas of course makati offices and i just have to ride two trains hope i could get a quick ride from there.. anyways .. so that's it i have a new opportunity opened for me .. what i feel sad about is.. how i wish im already a graduate so as to commit to something like that but nope i still have 5 terms to go and additional 3 terms if i am to pursue my masters.. next term i'll be taking my master courses and i just don't know how i am to survive if this thing goes on ..

Ow.. i still have a lot of things to finish by this week .. test in comparc, paper in comparc, the presentation in advanse presentation in mobile wars.. meeting @ ortigas .. woah! it's really a big pressure.. i still can feel my headache .... rising up my brain.... can't seem to smile anymore ... o well i just hope i could finish everything and get pass through this week with a smile..

Know what? suddenly i needed God so much and i can't get through this week without His Help.. i guess this day will be one of my turning point in my religious life again..." Please help me Oh Lord.. i know i can get through this with you. Thank you ... "

I think i just have to work on everything one by one step by step i'll surely end this ocming week with ease.. please pray for me whoever is reading this.

Certainly, a change of plan wouldn't hurt

As this school year starts.. i had it on my mind and my plan that i will keep earning money even before i graduate.. earn in the sense that i'll take every sideline that comes in my way. and yes i did take all the opportunities .. hmm i can say not all almost all of it.. and yes i've been earning for quite sometime now and i think im enjoying the pay. But the thing is .. my grades are falling apart i don't think i'll be able to reach dean's list this term.. and even have one of my subject falling from the edge of passing. Anyway i hope i could still made it.. I can say i 've been very busy this past few months hmm maybe the whole term haha i have lots of responsibilities outside my academics, which helped me earn money. Although yah again my grades is not doing good.

The term is already quite finished... it's already less than 3 weeks before finals and i think i'm quite pressured as much as i was before,indeed, this term is not that easy though, im having a problem on chemistry and comparc. although the prof in comparc seems very considerate and seems quite fair i hope he gives an easy test next week.. arrgg.. another week had passed and it's already weekend.. i need to finish a lot of things this weekend.. JJ's thesis is quite over.. but still have to work on it within the coming week.. jairus ' gofish.ph can wait... thank God! Advanse program parser, advanse paper, presentation , mobile wars! yuhuu!! finally done with the project although some more changes need to be done for it to run in palm successfully.

O well so what about the change of plan (topic) im talking about? actually i don't want this kind of pressure anymore i want to be "happy go lucky" for the next term and just concentrate on moving my cgpa up a bit! i really want to spend my whole time in studying.. well one thing is, im pressured by the people in straight ms .. and the professors who had set a highstandards from our reputation as S22... guess i just have to maark my words not to take any side jobs or at least lessen it .... i just feel so tired.. in two weeks time there's already the finals.. chemistry and comparc really has a lot of coverage, i just wonder how i am gonna get throguh this i think if there's a time to start focusing on finals.. it's this weekend !

I guess i still have so many things to say... just too tired to think and type... hope i could have a sembreak before taking the finals haha :) life is full of challenges that's why we have to constantly change our plans every now and then ....sheesh ...