Aiming high with lesser effort (?? you get it? i don't)

yah yah you might say im so idealistic as to reach something high without exerting much effort.. although the down fall is .. it doesn't really happen that much! yes i've been satisfying myself with mediocrity .. and i hate it.. just imagine theocom exam.. i only studied a day or two before the actual test... and yes i got satisfied with an 87 and i think that would be what the title here suggest, which is, i aimed and got quite a high grade with lesser effort but i have to admit that i was disappointed due to the fact that knowing someone got higher than i do and i could have reach a higher grade than 87 ...such a terrible feeling ..

you can see im not really in the mood to write just felt that i want to list what happened to me this day so as to help me reflect what i just did and had been doing. LSCS.. one thing i want to remind myself

" don't ever go to something you don't really like and if you did, then just shut up and do your job !"

i think this is one of my problem i kept mumbling on doing things that i really don't like and just that i went into it for the sake that i don't even know hahaha.. anyways i just took a chemistry exam yesterday i don't think it went good. coz it's multiple choice even though i know the problem .. heck! the answers to my solutions are not even in the choices most of the time!!! that was really bad.. i don't know why i have to take chem all over again .. such a dreaded subject for me!! hmm maybe i just need encouragement.. needed someone to tell me what to do and how to look at things at different angle! hehe

concerning responsibilities.. awwwww i don't know what's happening to me .. im too irresponsible that i didn't even contact my tutees and i just texted them one day before the test and guess what tomorrow's.. i just felt like quitting ..even if i have any people who looked up on me and i just kept feeling that im a big disappointment... my grades kept going unstable.. chemlab was quite ok .. chemone is quite bad.. going worst.. theocom still good... glad it's still above my standards .. and comparc.. no idea what my grades are.. too bad..i don't think i can still hang on my ideal cgpa .. just so hard to pull it upward.. even if i kept getting high grades the last few terms..hmmm as you can see im not organized with what im saying i just have these particles of thoughts floating around my brain. you can say this is not a really good day and well .. just felt dizzy ... feel like i'm going to get sick .. although i got enough sleep yesterday.

i guess if you don't understand what im saying here.. the point is!!! im not happy with my performance.. im not satisfied at all .. in my overall effort i don't know what's wrong with me i bet i just have to start somewhere else.... guess i have to start going to my classes early starting tomorrow.. maybe it'll be a good start..... a good start of rebuilding my concerns :)