burst of thoughts

Farewell to 2005.... I will surely miss this year!

2005-12-31T08:01:00.000-08:00

Yes you heard it right! I will surely miss this year! I can say one of the best and most fruitful year I ever had! Thank God for blessing me this much! I mean the countless opportunity, the good experiences I have gained the good friends that I have come to cherish and treasure, what more can I ask for this year 2005! Thanks for everything to thy God.

Indeed so much has happened... hearing all the firecrackers welcoming the new year somehow makes me miss 2005 already. There were a lot of hardships, difficulties worries and etc but really all in all it all boils down to the blessings that I have received! Come to think of it, it all grace!! I don't know if I am worthy of such countless blessings but I am so glad to be so lucky!

To recall some of the best things that happened to me?! of course there's Sherine who had been my best buddy all year long so much good memories were shared all through out the year. Just so glad to be able to spend yet another new year with her..... Well working in smart was also one of the highlights that I have! and given a good part time job was also one good experience that was given to me! It was really quite a nice year... hoping next year 2006.. in just a few minute from now... would be as good or better than this outgoing year.

Just wanna thank God for all these grace! I'll surely treasure all the memories of 2005! For the last time, Bye 2005! Thank you!

Restless... restless..

2005-09-17T23:50:00.000-07:00

Finally, it's the mid of september, no more regular classes for me.. first week of school has already passed and no classes for the whole week no teachers to listen to .. no classrooms to attend to .. no more worrying about quizzes, tests, reports, mp's ... just a thesis and a sideline project.. however how come im still restless... lately thesis is doing great.. however researching really tires my body.. i mean learning something new is always fun .. however when there's really a lack of resources or people to ask from.. then it's tiring... about sideline.. hmm i think one thing i learned lately is.. "everything has its limitation ... " you might hear people telling you..." for as long as you love what you're doing in work.. then it's the best thing that can happen to your career.." i partly disagree on this.. i don't know .. yes i love being a programmer.. i love being a developer, a creator of something new.. i love programming, i love webdevelopment.. learning new things.. but of course with these interests of mine .. i think lately.. it has not been fun anymore..i don't know if it's my point of view that is wrong or it's just me.. tell you the truth.. my part time job has been fun .. but not now.. i don't know the project is big and yet everything seems open ended.. i 've been doing code and fix.. doing a lot of editing in the system.. in the database.. it's just to big for one or two person to develop it.. i don't know but im not having the right mood anymore.. no matter how i try to relax myself just to stay focus on the work.. i just can't i don't know .. maybe it's just that i need people to support me.. show me their concerns.. and also give importance to what im doing.

Lately, ive been trying to make my self comfortable and try to bring up the strength in me to keep on going and finish the project at least before september ends... (wake me up when september ends.. ) but still i feel so restless... right now ive been sitted in front of this monitor.. pondering on stuff to do.. so many things to do.. yet so many time but so unproductive of me.. i guess something is really wrong is it me?? or is it anything else.. besides me.. anyway that's all .. just trying to pour my boredom or restlessness or whatever.. out through writing.. God help me.. please i need it. Thanks..

What's up with me so far?

2005-08-18T00:20:00.000-07:00

It's currently 12 am august 18,2005 ... so far it's been a productive day.. I've been working on a so called project LAB, which is a web-based business directory for an Australian client, for hours already since i woke up until i came home from school until this very hour or minute.. Imagine how much time im spending thinking of one single project.. even when i walked around campus.. i still have to worry about such project not meeting its deadline, and this will just have to go on maybe for the next three weeks... It's quite tiring already but so far.. im still trying to enjoy my job.. School is almost over... this week is already my last week of regular class in my undergraduate degree life.. then for the next two terms, i'll only have my thesis and then wait until April for my graduation proper.

Lately, i realized that im not quite happy anymore with my part time job. it's becoming quite a daily routine especially handling this big project which lasts for months. I have to face the same program for the next few weeks.. I don't know what i really want all of a sudden, im interested in information security which rings the bell in my head about an opportunity of joining the info security of smart telecoms as where i had my OJT .. ow well funny how i got inspired with a movie called tracked down .

Anyway.. i really had no plans of blogging tonight.. just had the urge of redesigning and reengineering my site , planning to make more libraries in php and make my own blogging system, inventory system for my softwares, ebooks, books and etc etc all in one maybe play with .NET hahaha .. although can't do that for now because of my busy sched.. anyway i'm already getting drowsy... i guess i have to park my keyboard for now...

How unfair could this get... guess what i got a gay brother.

2005-07-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

I have to admit im an average guy with average dream and average family.. well maybe less average family.. i guess as a family we're just not blessed to be a happy family after all... i miss my mom.. wherever she is i hope she's happy in heaven.... as for the rest of the family... everything seems to be intense... and troubled all because of one stupid idiot who thinks he is rich and doesn't care a thing about anyone. A gay brother who keeps on blowing his(her) horns loud pretending to be some manager or president or someone else... and still can't accept the fact that he is one darn gay who is so bitter about me and my sister going to college and he didn't got the chance of experiencing college life. All i can say is... too bad.. well i guess even if he gets into college i doubt if he'll survive ... for all he knows is having fun and also again ... being gay. I swear he is so gay that i just wanna kick his gay ass out of our house and show him how gay he could be.

O well ... i guess i just have a really bad day.. had exchange words with this gay thing in our home in front of dad.. you know .. i mean is it really that hard to accept the fact that it's not our fault why he didn't get to college?!?!?!?! is it really our fault in the first place? it's all his(her) stupid fault.. and his(her) stupid gay decisions. Who told him(her) to keep cutting classes during highschool.. i mean the first school already kicked his(her) gay ass out already .. luckily another school mistakenly took him in but still what?? he(she) even fought with a nun for a gay sunglasS??? see how gay it is?? and now he(she) is so jealous of both me and my sis going to college and all he can do is mumble or threaten us with his gay lies??? is that a brother?? or let me rephrase it.. is that he(she) still human? or sane? i guess not!!!!! how many brother would threaten a sibling his(her) life?? and how many brother will tell his(her) own sister or brothers that anytime they can be dead with a single flip of his(her) money ??? how many?? i guess none.. just one and too bad it's my gay brother! or at worst even threatens of curse my father face to face???? tell me is that humane? just so damn luck that im of the same blood as his(her) .

O well to those who knew me.. as a soft spoken person or a kind loving person.. sorry if this stunt you.. yeah you're right it's really me who wrote this.. i just had a big argument with "the animal" of the house... who keeps cursing us and who keeps calling us leeches who can do nothing for good.. i just couldn't take it any longer ... if only im bigger than him(her) i'll surely solve this problem physically and no doubt i'll really tear his tendons and feed it to the dogs ow.. not the dogs poor little dogs .. they might get poisoned i forgot.. maybe burned his(her) pieces up .. sorry i might sound so childish here... but no im not .. im writing this just to cool myself up.. am just so sad .. how come i got a brother like that.. who would do anything to make our life difficult .. who is so childish that he can't accept the fact that we're attending college and having our education at a prestigous school or i may say expensive school... i guess behind all of this.. is a reason i still can't see or understand.. i know God has his purpose for this .. maybe .. i just have to prove him wrong.. that im not a leech in our family .... i just wanna show him ... that's he is the biggest leech and not us. ..

OJT days.. quite an adventure..

2005-06-13T23:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a very long time since i last posted on this blogger. Sayang napakaformal pa naman... Anyway let me start with how my life was going.. the last 2 to 3 months. It started this january that im on my last term as a fourth year college student ...sadly seeing most of my batchmate "id 101" graduating and finishing their thesis.. as for me i still have 1 whole school year to go and two minor subjects to go and last masteral subject and of course the ever problematic thesis sad to say.... hard to accept and difficult to digest.... Well things went great last term and i was able to pass all subjects (thank God) although i fall short to getting a first honor dean's lister... so that was march.. to roll back a little bit.. we're required to look for companies for our OJT.. and mind you i have already made a list of companies that i would want to work for. i even made a list of my capabilities for my resume and take note i really made my resume as presentable as possible.. of course i can say that im quite proud of it... kind of expecting that i won't have a hard time looking for a job. so i procrastinated.. waited for the last minute before even applying to the first company on the list which was ePldt.. so i was not rejected at all but the problem was they have no vacancy or need for interns meaning i have to wait until someone is willing to use an intern so i wasted two weeks or even 3 weeks waiting for epldt's call.. i called them about twice or thrice .. but still no news until Sherine finally convince me to pass my resume to other company and stop waiting for epldt's response. so i did.. although i was very hesitant.. thanks to her she really helped me applied in SMART imagine we walked into SMART tower and she helped submit my resume to the HR and we were instructed to waited for their call.. we also went to HP however their recruitement for ojt was already over that time.
So after a few weeks... we (some comsci friends) became desperate and went around ayala approaching every company we can and leaving our resume n hope for their employment. so after a few days of waiting finally ... smart called me and set me up for a technical meeting on its IT department.. imagine the pressure, the HR told that there are two candidate for a single position and one of that candidate was me .. it's either a make or a break so if on that interview day they didn't like me.. then that's the end of my application meaning one of us has to go and one of us will be chosen. so imagine the pressure.. i arrived at SMART tower 930 the next day and i sat on the sala set in the waiting area waiting for my turn ... the other candidate was already being interviewed and i have to wait for my turn.. until it was finaly my turn.. seeing my competitor laughing his way out with the surpervisor or interviewer.. i was so challenged and curious how his interview went.. maybe they already get along well.. so there goes the interview... the interviewer was soon to be my supervisor he has long hair and somewhat cool personality. the interview went well.. and after that i was instructed to go back to the HR .. i thought i will be eliminated since i was the only one told to go back to the HR ... then upon reaching the HR .. i was told that both of us was accepted .. so that was the end of applying for ojt finally i got a position and a job at smart.. quite excited... and there.. things went well for a month i was able to enjoy the good and cheap (affordable) food at smart.. , the comfortable office, my 2gig ram computer and also kind fellow staff.. the ojt went well for 250 hours finally it ended just first week of july... It was kind of fun and at the same time tiring since.. i also have a part time job .. developing systems for a small company and i have to work at home after office hours until midnight .. and in the morning i still have to go back to the office until school year began and now i have three major things to juggle.. school or may i say four things .... to juggle, school, thesis, smart ojt, partime imagine .. glad i did survive.... anyway finally today is the final stage of my ojt, just came home from graduation.. and now continuing the system for my parttime. Anyways i guess that's the whole story of how i got in to smart and how things went.. after that.. now im back to school taking up my last few subjects and continuing my thesis, and stuff... I guess things went a bit lighter after ojt but still ... i feel restless.. (to be cont..sleepy sorry for all my gramatic errors.. sheesh .. im too sleepy that 's all)..ZzzZz...

More opportunities means more pressure...

2004-08-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

First up... i really had a lot of things to do and now another thing came up and i just have to add it up in my schedule.. i don't know why i can't seem to say "no" to anything... is it because im too kind? is it because i just don't waste any opportunity? or is it because i just don't know how to say no to people? anyway ... just this afternoon upon going back home from lasalle.. someone called me up ... introducing himself to me and telling me that ive been referred to him by a very old friend of my (old meaning long time no see kind of old) and to my surprise this guy started telling me good things he heard from me .. telling me that he heard that im a sort of goal oriented and persevering person etc etc.. anyways so here goes he ask if i'll be interested to work for him or something like that with a nice pay in a way and it would be a field far from what im taking up i don't know if it'll be a waste of time or what but we decided to meet on wednesday.. venue? as you may ask, it's in ortigas of course makati offices and i just have to ride two trains hope i could get a quick ride from there.. anyways .. so that's it i have a new opportunity opened for me .. what i feel sad about is.. how i wish im already a graduate so as to commit to something like that but nope i still have 5 terms to go and additional 3 terms if i am to pursue my masters.. next term i'll be taking my master courses and i just don't know how i am to survive if this thing goes on ..

Ow.. i still have a lot of things to finish by this week .. test in comparc, paper in comparc, the presentation in advanse presentation in mobile wars.. meeting @ ortigas .. woah! it's really a big pressure.. i still can feel my headache .... rising up my brain.... can't seem to smile anymore ... o well i just hope i could finish everything and get pass through this week with a smile..

Know what? suddenly i needed God so much and i can't get through this week without His Help.. i guess this day will be one of my turning point in my religious life again..." Please help me Oh Lord.. i know i can get through this with you. Thank you ... "

I think i just have to work on everything one by one step by step i'll surely end this ocming week with ease.. please pray for me whoever is reading this.

Certainly, a change of plan wouldn't hurt

2004-08-06T23:38:00.000-07:00

As this school year starts.. i had it on my mind and my plan that i will keep earning money even before i graduate.. earn in the sense that i'll take every sideline that comes in my way. and yes i did take all the opportunities .. hmm i can say not all almost all of it.. and yes i've been earning for quite sometime now and i think im enjoying the pay. But the thing is .. my grades are falling apart i don't think i'll be able to reach dean's list this term.. and even have one of my subject falling from the edge of passing. Anyway i hope i could still made it.. I can say i 've been very busy this past few months hmm maybe the whole term haha i have lots of responsibilities outside my academics, which helped me earn money. Although yah again my grades is not doing good.

The term is already quite finished... it's already less than 3 weeks before finals and i think i'm quite pressured as much as i was before,indeed, this term is not that easy though, im having a problem on chemistry and comparc. although the prof in comparc seems very considerate and seems quite fair i hope he gives an easy test next week.. arrgg.. another week had passed and it's already weekend.. i need to finish a lot of things this weekend.. JJ's thesis is quite over.. but still have to work on it within the coming week.. jairus ' gofish.ph can wait... thank God! Advanse program parser, advanse paper, presentation , mobile wars! yuhuu!! finally done with the project although some more changes need to be done for it to run in palm successfully.

O well so what about the change of plan (topic) im talking about? actually i don't want this kind of pressure anymore i want to be "happy go lucky" for the next term and just concentrate on moving my cgpa up a bit! i really want to spend my whole time in studying.. well one thing is, im pressured by the people in straight ms .. and the professors who had set a highstandards from our reputation as S22... guess i just have to maark my words not to take any side jobs or at least lessen it .... i just feel so tired.. in two weeks time there's already the finals.. chemistry and comparc really has a lot of coverage, i just wonder how i am gonna get throguh this i think if there's a time to start focusing on finals.. it's this weekend !

I guess i still have so many things to say... just too tired to think and type... hope i could have a sembreak before taking the finals haha :) life is full of challenges that's why we have to constantly change our plans every now and then ....sheesh ...

Aiming high with lesser effort (?? you get it? i don't)

2004-08-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

yah yah you might say im so idealistic as to reach something high without exerting much effort.. although the down fall is .. it doesn't really happen that much! yes i've been satisfying myself with mediocrity .. and i hate it.. just imagine theocom exam.. i only studied a day or two before the actual test... and yes i got satisfied with an 87 and i think that would be what the title here suggest, which is, i aimed and got quite a high grade with lesser effort but i have to admit that i was disappointed due to the fact that knowing someone got higher than i do and i could have reach a higher grade than 87 ...such a terrible feeling ..

you can see im not really in the mood to write just felt that i want to list what happened to me this day so as to help me reflect what i just did and had been doing. LSCS.. one thing i want to remind myself

" don't ever go to something you don't really like and if you did, then just shut up and do your job !"

i think this is one of my problem i kept mumbling on doing things that i really don't like and just that i went into it for the sake that i don't even know hahaha.. anyways i just took a chemistry exam yesterday i don't think it went good. coz it's multiple choice even though i know the problem .. heck! the answers to my solutions are not even in the choices most of the time!!! that was really bad.. i don't know why i have to take chem all over again .. such a dreaded subject for me!! hmm maybe i just need encouragement.. needed someone to tell me what to do and how to look at things at different angle! hehe

concerning responsibilities.. awwwww i don't know what's happening to me .. im too irresponsible that i didn't even contact my tutees and i just texted them one day before the test and guess what tomorrow's.. i just felt like quitting ..even if i have any people who looked up on me and i just kept feeling that im a big disappointment... my grades kept going unstable.. chemlab was quite ok .. chemone is quite bad.. going worst.. theocom still good... glad it's still above my standards .. and comparc.. no idea what my grades are.. too bad..i don't think i can still hang on my ideal cgpa .. just so hard to pull it upward.. even if i kept getting high grades the last few terms..hmmm as you can see im not organized with what im saying i just have these particles of thoughts floating around my brain. you can say this is not a really good day and well .. just felt dizzy ... feel like i'm going to get sick .. although i got enough sleep yesterday.

i guess if you don't understand what im saying here.. the point is!!! im not happy with my performance.. im not satisfied at all .. in my overall effort i don't know what's wrong with me i bet i just have to start somewhere else.... guess i have to start going to my classes early starting tomorrow.. maybe it'll be a good start..... a good start of rebuilding my concerns :)

Happy days and memorable moments...

2004-08-01T14:54:00.000-07:00

Yes yes... i did have a great day yesterday (july 31) we, (sherine,mike,rea,and me) went to banawe to eat at mini shabu shabu.. yes it was delicious although expensive.. anyway it was all for the sake of fun and food tripping.. actually i was kind of late for the meeting ( indeed late again as usual, im becoming a regular latecomer lately sheesh i have to change... have to change..). it was all because i have to go to school and have 3 chapters of chembook being photocopied and return it to plaridel office then take another lrt ride to 5th avenue which is the opposite end from where i live, luckily those guys enjoyed themselves while waiting :) then there goes, we went to banawe, then after eating lunch we rode all the way from quezon city i think araneta to the other end of araneta.. then to makati ortigas to robinson's galle to meralco theater to watch rahab (play).

Upon entering the building it was really welcoming the people was very cordial and really gave time in explaining what to fill up and where to file in line and what seats to take etc. A lot of ushers were helping out and yes we finally had our seats, the play took about 2- 1/2 hours and it was really nice until the end of the play, a pastor went up to preach, which kind of offended me coz i wasn't expecting anything like that.for me he was sort of force preaching people without even asking permission and that to me was kind of offensive and the way that he preach was ... not really normal..not normal in the way that he talk as if he was so holy he talked as if he was fully of spirit and that i think was too exaggerating.. yes that put down my mood although i know he was just doing that for the sake of evangelism but i don't know .. it would always be proper to make a preaching noncompulsory for everyone to listen .. instead he took the moment to preach at the time when everyone couldn't leave. o well it was kinda disturbing.. but anyways i understand what he was talking about and .. i was deeply touched by the play rather than the preaching...Anyways enough of that preacher.. i just thanked God for the message from the play, i learned a lot and had a refreshing moment in my outlook of God. so there goes, i took an mrt ride to taft and rode a jeep, guess what i saw a woman hanging on her purse as she was drag down the street by a man pulling or snatching her purse.. the woman was hysterical that someone came to the rescue luckily no one got hurt the snatcher just ran away. there nice day right? actually highlights of the day was the moments with sherine :) (int the car , in the theater ) it was really so nice to be wth her almost the whole day without even worrying other stuffs :)

As for today, it 's quite a productive day i finished programming a whole forum for jj's thesis and all that is left for me to do is to integrate and redesign the whole template then that's it... although im currently blogging while studying a 100 pluspages of chemistry book which will be part of the test tomorrow too bad.. those quizzes just don't cease.... i guess i have to stop blogging for now and start studying..

Hope i could finish at least two chapters of chemistry so i can have a more relax review tomorrow.

Couldn't get worse than this....

2004-07-30T22:46:00.000-07:00

o well just hope this day won't get any worse.. coz all that's left for me to do is go to bed and have my long sleep... i miss my bed... just really had this bad day and im fully stressed out.. although i still manage to smile :) thanks to sherine.. who kept reminding me how scary i look when i don't smile hahaha

so here's how i started the day.. first .. i only had 5 hours sleep... went to bed at around 3am in the morning finishing my advanse project.. well all i remember is i was so happy that i felt im almost finish on that project and just needed some minor retouches before going to school. then came morning at about 9am i started the pc, started programming again reviewing all the codes i made lastnyt and yes the bad part was!!! it's all trash.. i can't believe i just wasted my time programming all that trash , i mean the program i made before going to bed was really undeniably ugly and nonsense ... so there i started rushing to finishing it until it's almost school time i just crammed so much i was too late to go to school just imagine, class starts at 1140 and im still at home during that time so i decided just to finish some other requirements for that same dreaded subject and just pass it without attending the class. Just a bad day .. i was stressed out , tired from commuting to school from home and still have to study theocom luckily i managed to study a day before and it really helped at least i wasn't pressured at all.. until the test came .. yes it seems easy .. but i don't think i'll get a grade higher than 85.. too bad.. another opportunity lost... i just hope i could still get back on the track this term.

o well i guess just hope something really great happens tomorrow :) and the whole next week. Zzzzzz to sleepy to blog.............

Opportunity vs Responsibility

2004-07-29T19:40:00.000-07:00

Upon coming home and checking my email, "ding dong" a new email popped out, it's from a mother of a CCS student wanting me to tutor her kid for pay. Well the specs was to just guide her daughter finish the project which is due 3 weeks from now or in short 3rd week of august.. i really wanted the job well first is i get to earn money, and i get to meet new people get to know the real world haha yes i really want the job yet something's pulling me back.. well it's the word that begins with the letter "R"esponsibility. yes i know i have too many commitments already and it's not relaxing anymore .. i feel threaten in my academics of pulling my CGPA down below 3.0 and it's not that nice anymore, i even have this gofish.ph coming up deadline is also end of august.. JJ's thesis is almost due, mobile programming competition deadline is also approaching, theocom test tomorrow, plaridel's online dictionary, plaridel updates on the site meetings there meetings here and even handle a webdesign workshop coming august 6! woah i mean the list can go on but i guess i have to stop somehow. well these are already quite demanding tasks for a student like me hehe anyways i really love to take the job of teaching someone esp with pay but i guess im just too tired i just want to go home everyday and study things that's new to me.. i want to have that freedom of not worrying about deadlines well that's life that's why some says it sucks big time hehe anyway i just feel like blogging today and well guess im just pretty much pressured by this extra tasks ....

This day didn't really start well... i was late almost 40 mins from my theocom class i rushed my assignment on the same morning . i even woke up late and rush my way to school.. comparc subject was pretty nice but omg i have to look out for the upcoming dept exam next week and yes come to think of it i have two more exams approaching including chemistry!!! woah i hate chem!.... i couldn't even find the purpose of studying it .. well anyway at least i get to study theocom the whole afternoon and be with my bestfriend! sherine! we even ate at red ribbon haha sort of a date right? hehe actually i only have 60 pesos left for the whole day well we had dinner .. early dinner i should say and yes i ate alot and the cake at red ribbon really taste good. well that really tone down my stress level.. hhehehe anyway .. i guess im blogging too much today so i guess i have to start my advanse project again .. well guess what deadline's tomorrow hahaha see how hectic my schedule is..

well i just wish opportunity would come with less responsibility.......

too much work to do yet too much time wasted...

2004-07-28T00:11:00.000-07:00

Well well.. my first ever blogger. just thought i could write something in here even before i set up my own blogger in my upcoming website. It's such a long day..... i've been sitting here in front of this monitor for quite a few hours already and guess what it's already midnight ..err morning i should say. have to finish my advanse by today and study theocom for friday really a lot of things to finish yet i've been wasting a lot of time doing small things not related to my academic work..

o well just some few simple thoughts i want to burst out my mind.